okay, here’s some stuff
that’s not exactly a response to that fucking quote, or an argument against it, as just… stuff brought to mind by it, i guess. and you know, spare me the “but __ is important too and you have to start with and then eventually they might” because come on: i know this stuff and i really hope that if you’ve been reading me for any length of time, you know i know it. this is also not really very coherent, because if i tried to be coherent i’d probably just get pissed the fuck off.and i mean, i am pissed off, but it’s something deeper than that, and i’m not sure why this is hitting me so deep. a big part of the problem is this shit that she FUCKING ALWAYS DOES which JV does all the fucking time too (which was like half of what was annoying with FFF), where they say “young women” like there is any fucking thing you can generalize to be true of all or even most young women, which: NO. THERE ISN’T. and fuck you for talking to us like there is (also, for acting like you are part of us when you are several years older than i am, and i give myself 3 years max before i drop the “young feminist” label myself).
so that right there: seriously, fuck you, i can’t even talk about how irritating it is to me to see young women generalized about like this, in a way that SO OBVIOUSLY has a very specific set of young women in mind (young women likely to go to public speaking events led by feminists). and, “oh, but she meant the point generally” - that’s maybe even grosser, to pretend like you can say any kind of universal thing based on such a small subset, and also the point still grosses me out.
the point grosses me out because: i definitely went through a phase of Trappings Of Femininity Are Inherently Oppressive Tools Of The Patriarchy. now: i have been out of that phase for several years now, since long before i started this blog, and i am only 22. this means that the bulk of that phase happened when i was in high school. which means, for the record, it wasn’t really, in retrospect, a political thing for me, exactly, the way it is for (say) twisty; it was a clumsy attempt to apply politics to my own somewhat anguished relationship with style, fashion, femininity, “prettiness,” etc. part of what i liked about feminism was specifically the theoretical freedom it offered to just not give a fuck, which is what i wanted to do and never quite succeeded at.
and you know, whatever, i felt weird about skirts till i was sixteen, poor me. except: courtney’s stressing the importance of style leaves my teenage self out. i can’t believe i’m the only one - even of my slim demographic of roughly conventionally attractive middle class white girls - who’s excluded by this strategy she is applying totally universally, without a single qualifier. the fact that a feminist activist seriously fucking thinks she can generalize about young women in a way that might not have negative consequences on her ability to do outreach to some of those young women she ostensibly wants to “convert” is just… fucking infuriating. and the fact that she doesn’t see how this might closer her eyes to other young feminists or potential young feminists, and the fact that she doesn’t see how narrowing the field of “young feminists” like that might have serious negative consequences for the “movement” as a whole - might limit its scope, might make it seem even more exclusive for those who don’t see it as something who talks to them - is just depressing.
then there’s that whole “converting” thing she’s doing, which also grosses me out, in ways i am once again having difficulty parsing. i think the reason i hate the idea of “converting” people to feminism, and the idea of (for example) writing a book to “young women” (all young women!!! everywhere!!!!) explaining why they are already feminists, is because it seems like it prioritizes getting people to call themselves feminists over actually spreading feminism - over forwarding its goals and getting its ideas to reach more people, male and female. and like, i’ve been there, the “i’m not a feminist but” conversation is annoying, and a lot of people do have some stupid-ass reasons for not referring to themselves as feminist (though there are also a lot of people with very legitimate reasons for not identifying as such). and it sucks. but it’s also… maybe not the biggest problem out there?
geez, i am having so much trouble pinning down what bugs me about it! remember that time a couple weeks ago (tumblr, why does your archive function suck so much) when i was like “y’all, making MOAR ORGAZMZ the number-one third wave feminist slogan is maybe going to exclude A LOT OF PEOPLE including those who could ultimately benefit most from internalizing certain feminist ideals, such as survivors of sexual abuse or women who have problems relating to their own sexuality that are not as easily pulled apart into consequences of slut-shaming in our culture or women belonging to certain religions who maybe will never side with you on the moar orgazmz thing but could benefit themselves & their communities from taking in other pro-feminist lessons?” it’s like that, or it’s related to that.
it’s not that i DON’T want more girls to identify as feminist? but i care way more about girls internalizing things like: no one has the right to touch you like you don’t want to be touched; you don’t have to not-do something because it’s a “boy thing”; your sexuality is yours to learn to relate to in the way most beneficial to you (which, if we can spread that message without the MOAR ORGAZMZ thing that’d be cool, too); you don’t need to feel ashamed of yourself for the way you look; you are allowed to kiss girls or boys or both; you have the right to decided whether or not you want to bear a child; etc. this just off the top of my head.
and i can’t help but think maybe part of the problem lies in that place where courtney is like, EVEN THOUGH i read gloria steinem and watched feminist documentaries and went to barnard, it was fishnets that got me really into feminism. because: MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT LIKE THAT. and i feel like acting like this is some kind of universal strategy (or like doing… whatever the entirety of FFF was doing) is basically preaching to the almost-converted. it’s getting the swing-voters of feminism to your side. and it isn’t that there’s no value in that, but to see that talked about like those are the majority of young women is really gross to me.
i mean, one thing i think about recently is like: so i’m an atheist for life, pretty much, and i do believe in secularism as a principle in a lot of ways, but it’s also like: the US is a very religious country, and a lot of girls in this country are part of religions that wind up being very anti-feminist. and it’s like - i’m not sure, if you’re really thinking about the problem of spreading feminism or advancing the movement or whatever, you can think on the one hand of “young women” and on the other hand of “way-out-right-wingers” and not think of “very right wing young women,” and of how you might be alienating them in various ways. like: do i personally see any reason to save your virginity for marriage? no. i think the concept of virginity is pretty much bullshit. and i do see a lot of value in challenging that, and in rethinking the whole idea of virginity and of marriage. but i also feel more and more like this is one of those places where it’s one thing to snark in spaces you know are populated mostly by like-minded people, but it’s also important to keep in mind the way that can be alienating and hurtful to a young woman who maybe doesn’t agree with (as a random made-up example) her pastor’s teachings on the place of women in the home, but also still does feel very strongly about the importance of abstinence.
and i guess it comes down to this question of who you’re trying to reach. and maybe the question of who you think is worth reaching. who you think is worth talking to, and who you write off as a lost cause. and whether you’re more interested in increasing the number of people you can have feminist 201 conversations with than the number of people benefiting from feminist 101 principles. and if when you picture a college-age woman not yet sold on “the F word,” and a fourteen-year-old girl made to clean up after her brothers who’s never heard of the F word, who doesn’t have the reading comprehension to understand gloria steinem, you only automatically label one of those as a “young woman.”
and this has gone quite beyond things said in that article, i am well aware, and is not very conclusive, i am also aware, but these are things that nag at me a lot, lately.
